COLUMN: Makeout Music #1- Old Reliable, or “Ask Me Tomorrow”

Written by Jenny Hanover

This is a column on Polyvox dot com. The column is called Makeout Music, which is indicative of the contents. My name is Jenny Hanover. I’m usually a poet from Pittsburgh, PA. However, I double as a former college music director and kissing connoisseur, so I’m going to be breaking down some of the best albums to kiss to of all time. 

I want to start by outlining what makes an album good for making out: 

1. No surprises. In order to stay in the flow, there can’t be any loud noises or sudden distortion, no huge changes in drum sound or tempo or vocal performance. It has to stay evenly paced and keep a steady volume. 
2. Mid-to-slow tempo. The speed of the music can subconsciously effect the speed of whatever you might be doing. Don’t get carried away. 
3. Long-ass songs. I’m talking six, seven, even eight minutes. This isn’t an outright necessity, but it keeps you from getting distracted by a new song every two or three minutes. This also keeps it from autoplaying something insane because everything goes on for so long. 

You don’t want to be feeling the urge to dance around or sing along. In fact, it should almost be boring- but don’t be too corny, either. Nothing too outright romantic. No Let’s Get It On. These rules are arbitrary and one or two can be broken at a time, but taking risks sometimes ends in disaster and all of a sudden you’re kissing to that weird marimba sound at the end of Pavement’s Frontwards and it’s awkward and she’s laughing at you. 

“Old Reliable” can mean many things to many people. For you, maybe it’s Mazzy Star. Beach House. I don’t know you, but I’m sure I managed to get near the target. I definitely have done my fair share of college makeouts to She Hangs Brightly or Teen Dream. Who knows- maybe those will make the list later on, too. 

For me, Mojave 3’s Ask Me Tomorrow is like a grilled cheese for dinner or a pair of old jeans with big pockets that can fit everything inside. Mojave 3 is a project formed by three members of slowdive. I would say former members, but slowdive is currently up and running so that wouldn’t really be right. They put out five records before calling it quits, with Ask Me Tomorrow being their first (and, in my opinion, strongest) effort.

Now, don’t be too quick to call me on my bullshit- this record actually breaks the romance rule a little with songs like Love Songs on the Radio, but all that aside, it’s just boring enough to be the perfect record to kiss to. 

Slow and dreamy like a Mazzy Star record but just out of the popular vision enough to score you some cool points, this record can be anything you need it to be. Clocking in at forty-one minutes, this eight song album averages about five minutes of length per song, and they all sound pretty much the same. In this case, however, the same isn’t bad- it’s an advantage. There’s something tragic and yearning about this- doesn’t it just make you want to fall asleep in her arms before waking up for your student worker shift at seven in the morning? The guitars are droning, the lyrics are sob-worthy, and the drums are so soft that they sound like they’re being played with someone’s bare hand. 

I’ve accidentally created a psychological phenomenon where every time I hear one of these songs, well… It doesn’t matter. 

This is an all-time classic album to kiss to, and I’m going to give it five stars out of five stars because it has never, and I mean ever, let me down when I needed it. 

Best Tracks: Sarah, Where is the Love, After All 

Polyvox reader, do you have a great album to kiss to? Email me an album at minajbeach@gmail.com, and I’ll be the judge of that, thanks. Don’t worry- I’ll keep you anonymous.